(Reviewed.com) - If there’s one thing that stands the test of time, both literally and figuratively, it’s frozen pizzas.
From getting home from middle school and chowing down with your friends to late night eats in college to general laziness as an adult, frozen pizzas are always there to leave a bad taste in your mouth and regret in your soul.
With the intersection of a few frozen pizza connoisseurs and March Madness, we decided to create a bracket for the best frozen pizzas you can buy.
We decided on a 16-pizza bracket with four different categories, brand name, store brand, healthy and gluten-free and had them go head-to-head through blind taste-test voting to determine the champion. What we found shocked all of us.
After burning the tops of our mouths and probably the inner lining of our stomachs too, we came up with a — GLUTEN-FREE — winner.
The Winner: Sabatasso’s Four Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Sabatasso's provided the biggest surprise of the tournament. We added it because a gluten-free co-worker raved about it, and we wanted to have a fair amount of GF pizzas to test, but we never actually thought it would win. The pie, which you can buy at Costco, didn’t disappoint. Many of our testers could not tell that it was gluten-free and for good reason. Its cheese was gooey, the sauce was excellent with more tang than sweetness and its thin crust provides plenty of crunch and flavor as well. It was truly, in everyone’s minds, one of the best all-around pizzas in the bracket.
It won nearly every contest by a blowout, including against name brand Freschetta and Costco before easily winning in the final. It looked and tasted like a bar pizza, not a frozen pizza.
The Runner-Up: Red Baron 4 Cheese
Red Baron, despite maybe not the best appearance as noted by our judges, made its way to the finals for a number of reasons. We really couldn’t find flaws with Red Baron, as people enjoyed the cheesiness, the crisp crust and the amount of sauce that made it stand out even as a thin crust pizza. While value doesn’t play a role in the voting, it’s also on the lower end for pizzas and provides some of the best taste and texture around. For a name brand that's available nearly everywhere, it's a sure-fire favorite but fell just short to Sabatasso's.
The Full Bracket
Out in the Final Four
Freschetta Four Cheese
Lost to: Sabatasso's Four Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Freschetta and DiGiorno’s could probably camouflage for each other. Its thick but tasty crust holds together some tangy and delicious sauce topped by gooey cheese — perfect for those who are truly hungry. Of course, what hurt it was our judges' penchant for thin crust pizza in Sabatasso's. But if you're looking for something closer to deep-dish or just a thick slice to fill up, you cannot go wrong with Freschetta.
DiGiorno Original Four Cheese
Lost to: Red Baron 4 Cheese
DiGiorno lost for reasons along the same lines as Freschetta. The big brand name is great across the board with excellent seasoning and flavors, but our testers were looking for thinner crispier crust in Red Baron as opposed to a thick, doughy base. DiGiorno would be a great choice for anyone though, especially those looking for a filling slice with lots of sweet sauce and gooey cheese.
Out in the Quarter Finals
Udi’s Three Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Lost to: DiGiorno Original Four Cheese
As a gluten-free choice, Udi’s was a solid competitor with crispy crust and plenty of cheese, but the lack of sauce and taste within it was ultimately the factor that weighed it down.
California Pizza Kitchen Four Cheese
Lost to: Red Baron 4 Cheese
CPK suffered from the same fate as Udi’s and lost in a close one to Red Barron. We liked everything about CPK, but it was thin and lacked the sauciness that testers were looking for.
Kirkland Cheese
Lost to: Sabatasso's Four Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Costco was good and not great in every category. Its crust, cheese and sauce were solid and we enjoyed it, but against Sabatasso’s, it fell short.
Newman’s Own Four Cheese
Lost to: Freschetta Four Cheese
Newman’s own proved once again that while people liked thin-crust pizza, it was the sauce that carries it through and its sauce fell short against the thick and saucy Freschetta. With that being said, its cheese, crust and seasonings were excellent.
Out in the First Round
Amy’s Cheese
Lost to: Udi’s Three Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Amy’s only lost by a small margin of victory against Udi’s, but its bland taste and tough look was what did it in. While it was probably a favorite to win against a gluten-free, the game played out like a 12-5 matchup in the NCAA Tournament.
Trader Joe’s Organic 3 Cheese
Lost to: DiGiorno Original Four Cheese
Trader Joes was also bland and plastic-y. Nothing tasted bad, but nothing quite tasted good, either. Going up against a big-name in DiGiorno didn’t help much as well.
365 Organic Cheese
Lost to: California Pizza Kitchen Four Cheese
This Whole Foods brand pizza had a very solid pizza with great taste, cheese and an OK crust, but people simply liked CPK’s thinner crust more.
Lean Cuisine Four Cheese
Lost to: Red Baron 4 Cheese
There’s not much positive to say about Lean Cuisine in this one. It was dry, tasteless and unappetizing. To its credit though, it was the only one cooked in a microwave.
American Flatbread Cheese & Herb
Lost to: Kirkland Cheese
Probably one of the best losers in the first round, American Flatbread came close to pulling out a victory. Its cheese, crust and overall taste with seasonings was fantastic, but its lack of sauce lost it a few points in the minds of some voters.
Tombstone Original 5 Cheese
Lost to: Sabatasso's Four Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Tombstone was another pizza that easily could’ve made a run had it not run into surprise upstart Sabatasso’s. Its crispy crust, tangy sauce and cheese were solid, but just not enough to carry it through against the surprise winner.
Market Pantry Original Crust Extra Cheese
Lost to: Freschetta Four Cheese
Target's Market Pantry pizza surprised a lot of testers with its thin and crispy crust and good sauce. All-around, it was a solid pizza but just couldn’t beat Freschetta.
Amy’s Dairy-Free Cheese (Gluten-Free)
Lost to: Newman’s Own Four Cheese
It was flat, tasteless and wasn’t pretty on the eyes. While it didn’t taste bad, it really just didn’t taste like anything. Of the gluten-free options, it was easily the least favorite.
Our Takeaways
-These tests were completely subjective by person and could've gone another way altogether depending on tastes and preferences, but Sabatasso's truly was one of the best pizzas of the entire bracket and our group of testers emphasized that.
-You may ask why we put gluten-free against a brand name or any other seeding decisions, but as March Madness goes, there are underdogs and favorites and sometimes David slays Goliath. In all fairness, we tossed the chips (or slices) and saw where they fell.
-Chances are we’re leaving off your favorite frozen pizza. We tried to choose a mixture of prominent pizzas and ones that would fit the bracket. In the end, we expanded our pizza palates and you should too.
-There was also a degree of human error in these tests, where some pizzas may benefit from undercooking or overcooking, but we followed directions to the letter then went by our eyes to make sure we weren't eating cold cheese.
-Some of the pizzas I (the writer and chef) liked that could've made a run or even won it all were Red Baron, California Pizza Kitchen and Tombstone. There's a clear thin-crust bias in those three, but we did have DiGiorno and Freschetta fans to even that out at points. Other ones that surprised me were Whole Foods and Costco.
-If you're going to conduct something like this, make sure of a few things: 1. You have enough oven space to cook pizzas all at once 2. You find a way to keep them all warm for testing 3. You cut small slices and get friends to help you out so there's no leftovers and 4. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Your stomach will still hate you, but that's the only way to fight back.
