LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Johns Hopkins has reported more than 563,000 COVID-related deaths in the U.S. That number represents family and friends lost to the pandemic, but it does not show the cost of survival.
In some cases, family members mourning the loss of someone they loved are questioning why they were the one who made it through the virus.
Survivor guilt is defined as a traumatic experience that makes someone feel undeserving of survival. ICU RN Trip Bardgett said he has noticed it in several families.
"I literally saw it and heard it from countless family members, and you just try to reiterate that it's not their fault," Bardgett said. "That's what survivor's guilt is, it's blaming yourself for something that is beyond your control."
On January 31, Raksmey Ek died due to COVID-19, leaving behind his wife and eight children. One of those children, Sky, was hospitalized alongside his father and uncle. He was the only to survive.
"I just remember saying I'm sorry, because he told me, 'Wear your mask, try not to get COVID,' and I remember just looking at him crying really, hard," Sky said. "I made him the promise that I'll take care of this donut shop and I will take care of the family like he did."
At the funeral, Sky said all he could think about is how it was his fault.
"I felt like why we are going through two big losses, and it's because of me," Sky said. "I am the one who got COVID, I am the only one that got to walk out of the hospital."
Amy Mudd, a licensed clinical social worker, said the guilt is not permanent and there are ways to get through it.
"There was something horrible that happened, but where is the good still...[look] for opportunities to give back and contribute in some way," Mudd said. "The good news is that we have a lot of options that will work. If they can find a therapist they feel they can connect with that they can trust, and they try out the techniques and they figure out which one is right for them, then there is a lot of hope."
In Sky's case, he has chosen to follow in his father's footsteps and care for others — taking over the Bullitt County donut shop he left behind.
"I just became so busy with this donut shop," Sky said. "This donut shop has kind of helping me grieve, because my dad was a workaholic, so I feel like since I am working hard with this donut shop my dad will be proud of me."
He said talking to someone, anyone, about how you are feeling could also make a world of difference.
"Don't feel afraid that someone is going to judge you for it. I felt like that as soon as I got out of the hospital, I felt like okay I am not going to talk about it. But the more I talk about it, the more I feel better that I can get something off my chest. Just talk to somebody who will listen," said Sky.
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